i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
