I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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