I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
