he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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