He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
