Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
