You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
