man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
