my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
