yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
