Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
