Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
