If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
