I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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