tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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