I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
