the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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