Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
