i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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