I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
