Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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