I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
