So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
false alarm. still invincible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
