I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there is puke in my bra ... again
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