Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
