Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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