im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
