so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
