I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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