i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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