i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
