We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
