Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
