when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
