What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
