Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
