Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
