my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's always time for handjobs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
