I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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