Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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