my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
