the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
