If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
