You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
