i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
