im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
