my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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