The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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