I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
