I wish you could order shots online.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
