Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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